I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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