what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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