Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
