I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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