Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
