the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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