I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
