sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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