dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
