I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize