i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
