Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
