Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the jesus of drinking
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
