he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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