Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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