Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
