Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize