i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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