it wasn't lemon gatorade
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize