I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
