no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
