So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
