That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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