ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
