We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
