I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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