Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
