i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
