i need an iv and a liver transplant
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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