I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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