Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize