It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
