it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
