I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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