Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
