You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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