Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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