Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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