Cold hands, warm shart.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
