but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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