There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
