Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
