If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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