Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize