News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
