dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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