I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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