After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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