FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize