How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
