the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
