i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
