my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
