ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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