Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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