I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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