my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
