i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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