Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
