apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
