This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
