Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
