I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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