I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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