I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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