I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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