my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
