let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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