There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
