She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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